I’ve been working with couples who have weathered deep, painful conflicts and are trying to rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy. The wounds have been treated, but they’re still tender. They want to reconnect but find themselves hesitant—after so much tension and pain, it’s hard to open up again, to be vulnerable.
One of the most overlooked yet powerful ways to reconnect? Make a commitment to spend intentional time together—BEING with each other and DOING things together.
Many couples don’t drift apart because of a single crisis, but because they stop prioritizing their relationship in the daily grind. Work, kids, responsibilities—they all demand attention, and without realizing it, partners start living parallel lives instead of intertwined ones. Quality time gets reduced to zoning out in front of a screen. And while “Netflix and chill” has its place, passive time together does not build connection.
What sorts of things will build intimacy and closeness for you and yours? That depends on what you’re comfortable with—but playing it too safe is a mistake. Let loose, take some risks, and try any of these suggestions—or come up with your own!
🔥 Make sparks fly—literally. Grab a Wint-O-Green Life Saver, turn off the lights, and bite down together to see the flash. It’s science and magic.
🎶 Dance in the kitchen. Whether you’ve got rhythm or not, turn up a song you both love and move together while cooking or cleaning. A spontaneous dip or twirl earns bonus points.
🎨 Finger paint…on each other. Let go of expectations and just have fun making a mess. Who knows? You might discover a hidden artistic talent.
🍷 Wine tasting. Whiskey tasting. Beer tasting. You get the idea. Share the experience using all five senses (flavors, the textures, etc.) Bonus points for mentioning the memories they evoke.
🌊 Water balloon toss—indoors or out. Fill a balloon with just a little water and see how long you can toss it without popping. Outside, all bets are off.
🖐️ Clay challenge. Grab some air-dry clay and sculpt something for each other—a goofy animal, a meaningful symbol, or just whatever makes you both laugh. If that’s too much, pick up some Play-Doh and create something magical.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s presence. It’s engagement. It’s connection.
Intimacy and closeness don’t happen without commitment. If you want to feel close again, you have to show up for each other—physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you start smiling together again, if you find laughter in the little things—you’re on your way to healing.
